A Teacher and a Student

Turns out I’m not very good at updating my blog. When I get behind I tend to get overwhelmed with all that I need to update on and so I don’t feel like I ever have enough time to sit down and give adequate time and effort to bring everything up to speed.

As I write this I’m currently monitoring the hallway during testing. As one could easily assume, the first four weeks of school were a whirlwind. My To-Do list never shrunk and eventually became a complete border of sticky notes around my computer’s monitor. It was difficult to stay on top of things because, well, there was just so much to do and so little time to do it. I spent all of my planning period time (which is always the first period of A-days) frantically planning and nailing down details for what we would do THAT DAY. Talk about feeling behind. Then after school we would have meetings or tutoring until 5 and THEN I might be able to take care of grading papers, setting up room systems, catching up on my to-do list. All of this while getting to school each day at 7:00 – one hour before we’re required to be there. I felt like I lived at school. But that was really fine with me because I’ve been waiting my entire life to do this! I was getting a little tired though and was beginning to need some kind of a break to catch my breath. I knew that I can’t plan day-of for the entire year but I did know that it would take some time to get my feet under me to be able to plan ahead enough.

Thankfully this week we have spent four entire days benchmark testing to get an idea of where all of our students are currently at in regards to the TAKS tests that they will have to pass this year. Because I don’t have a first period class to test in my room I’ve been assigned to be an assistant for three rooms and help monitor the hallway. This has allowed me to finally catch up and actually get a little ahead! Of course my to-do stickies are still decorating my monitor but because I’m actually planned ahead for the next week and a half, I know I will be able to spend my time getting to those instead of frantically planning. I also realize that as a teacher my monitor will always have those little post-its on it and I’ve come to terms with that.

I just want to take a little bit of space here to brag about my students. I am convinced that I have THE BEST students at Spruce High School. I am getting to know them as individuals and have been able to watch how the different personalities mold together to form class personalities. Many of my students have been staying after school for tutoring and some now stay even though their grades are now fine just because they want to spend time with me in my room. I am hoping to capitalize on this by finding extension activities for those students and letting that positive attitude about “tutoring” filter through to my students that need to be there. I’ve already had a few that I would not expect in tutoring and think this is in part because my students seem to feel comfortable and welcome in my room.

One of my biggest encouragements this year came about the third week of school when some of my “trouble” boys (who are not really trouble – just goofballs) that I have to be strict with during class were pretending to enter my room for class when they didn’t have my class that period. It sounds simple and almost silly, but the fact that they were showing an interest in wanting to be in my room or at least interact with me in that way was encouraging.

Something that I have truly taken to heart was a phrase that my FBCG pastor, Brother Greg, said the Sunday before my first day of school. He was speaking in regards to parents and children and stated, “If you do not discipline your children, someone will.” I applied this to my situation and have been running my classroom as though, “If I don’t discipline my students, someone else will.” He also spoke about how boundaries create freedom. Bizarre idea but I’ve known it to be true for me for awhile and it is true for everyone although some people do not recognize it. He used the example of a study done on a playground. It originally had a fence surrounding it and the neighborhood spoke out to have it taken down. They stated that it was interfering with the childrens’ need to explore and feel free in their own play space. After the fence was taken down, they began to notice that the children were not straying very far from the playground itself because they weren’t sure how far they really could go. Having boundaries allows us the freedom to act comfortably within those boundaries without fear, worry, or even thought of where we need to not go. I’ve set up my classroom with the idea that clearly stated and consistently implemented boundaries will give my students freedom to learn and participate in our classroom environment. I’ve had a few comments from my students about how organized I am and, “Miss, you a perfectionist or something?” and I’ve responded each time by letting them know that no, I am not a perfectionist and explaining the purpose behind my specific directions for everything. My students have taken hold of this idea and are now wonderful about asking questions if I forget a detail of directions.

Another thing that I’ve learned from my students is something I’ve noticed over the past week or so. One of the things that irks me most as a teacher is when I ask or tell a student to do something and they smile and nod at me or indicate in some way that they will comply and then when I turn away they don’t comply in the least. I’ve realized I would honestly rather them look me in the face and refuse to do it. By acknowledging my directions and implying compliance and THEN not following through I feel as though they have not only refused my directions but have also lied to me and thought me a fool.

As I thought through this I was convicted of how much I am that child in God’s eyes. Would I ever have the boldness to stare at God and tell Him that I refuse to do something that He asks of me? Of COURSE NOT! BUT, do I have the deviousness, selfishness, and vanity to acknowledge His truth, give a little nod, and go about my own little way despite his directing? Yes, every Sunday and every Tuesday. God doesn’t teach us and reveal to us his truths because He wants us to just give a little nod, “Oh ya, sorry God,” and then continue wallowing in our disobedience. When I do this, I am treating God as though I think Him a fool. Ouch. That hurts.

Teaching and being an authority figure every day has given me insight into my walk as a child of God. Suddenly I’m experiencing how it is to be in authority over children, love them, desire for them to succeed, and know what they need to do and not do to be successful. I’m seeing how it is to be that figure and have those children sometimes be under-appreciative, non-compliant, and sometimes downright hurtful. Wow. Our God, my God, puts up with a lot. And still sticks around, forgives, loves, perseveres, continues to pursue us. What a role model and inspiration. Love as God loves. Inside and outside of the classroom. I’m not here to fulfill my own dream. I’m here because God has placed me here to be his light to these children. This is not about my own desires, needs, or dreams. This is about the kids. And what wonderful kids I have.

I realize that I’ve continually bragged on my kiddos. This is not to say that they are perfect and honestly, I do have one class that drives me nuts. But I see beyond the mess that my kids sometimes are. I see strengths, I see hurts, I see patterns and expectations. I see good kids. All of my kids are good kids. None of my kids WANT to get into trouble, per se, maybe they just want attention, or need a day off, or need one less nagging teacher. I love my students and although they may have different needs and situations than kids at other schools, they are just the same. Teenagers looking for love, understanding, individuality, a sense of belonging, and self-esteem. I just get to be here to help them in their journey and teach them math!

I am so thankful for my students and this school. I wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. Truly.